Words First

Writing seems to be the one place it is useful to give in to all your demons.

Mon, 13 May 2013 22:55:08 -0400

Writing seems to be the one place it is useful to give in to all your demons.

What do we know of what I’m trying to tell you?

Sun, 12 May 2013 12:20:18 -0400

What do we know of what I’m trying to tell you?

"So much human cruelty is simply incidental is simply brainless. Simply no common sense. You could..."

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:17:00 -0400

“So much human cruelty is simply incidental is simply brainless. Simply no common sense. You could take the entirety of the common sense of humans and put it in the palm of your hand and still have room for your dick.”

- Anne Carson

Were we really supposed to write down all the things that terrify us? Because you finished quickly...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:11:12 -0400

Were we really supposed to write down all the things that terrify us? Because you finished quickly and I have not stopped scribbling, counting. I used to say failure. I thought it clever and telling as a greatest fear. But I’m not scared of failure anymore. “Because you’ve done it,” perhaps you would say? “But have I really,” I would respond.

He writes me emails he is not supposed to send. He tells me this is hard. I do not respond. I slip...

Tue, 30 Apr 2013 23:10:27 -0400

He writes me emails he is not supposed to send. He tells me this is hard. I do not respond. I slip the sheet over my head. It no longer smells like detergent. It’s been on my bed for a week. It smells a bit like the shampoo from last night’s shower, but mostly like skin, like what I imagine skin would smell like if we weren’t constantly trying to make it smell like other things.

"How do Fiona Apple’s friends know when to be worried about her?"

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 22:00:16 -0400

“How do Fiona Apple’s friends know when to be worried about her?”

- Julie Klausner

Complacency is a fickle and scary place to land when you are also unhappy.

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:54:49 -0400

Complacency is a fickle and scary place to land when you are also unhappy.

Skyscrapers and Everything

Mon, 29 Apr 2013 21:36:40 -0400

This is a reminder to look up. This city is large and you are small and the bit of sidewalk you occupy each day can feel suffocating, but it is generally a good idea to keep your head up on top of your spine and to raise your line of vision once in a while to see a light on in a top floor and to know that people are living their lives way up there because this city is expansive and there is enough space for you.

What do you really want because your behavior doesn’t match what you are saying.

Sat, 27 Apr 2013 20:55:00 -0400

What do you really want because your behavior doesn’t match what you are saying.

"In a sense, I’m the one who ruined me: I did it myself."

Sun, 21 Apr 2013 13:41:02 -0400

“In a sense, I’m the one who ruined me: I did it myself.”

- Haruki Murakami

"After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see..."

Mon, 15 Apr 2013 23:12:01 -0400

“After the first glass of absinthe you see things as you wish they were. After the second you see them as they are not. Finally you see things as they really are, and that is the most horrible thing in the world.”

- Oscar Wilde

The Blow radio is for leveling you on the arrogant, woman-of-the-world days when you feel so...

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:43:07 -0400

The Blow radio is for leveling you on the arrogant, woman-of-the-world days when you feel so disconnected from the yearning, earnest sixteen-year-old girl you once were.

It Works

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 23:35:00 -0400

You tell yourself you are the type of girl that likes whiskey so you start only ordering whiskey sodas when you’re out and you buy handles for making drinks at home and you learn to make a pretty great whiskey sour and maybe you are not the kind of girl that enjoys whiskey neat and you have no aspirations of being a bourbon aficionado, but you’re the girl that likes whiskey first, before all other liquor. You tell yourself you are the type of women that has free, uninhibited, casual sex so you start going home with boys and you start to learn what you like and don’t like and eventually you actually get the courage to say those things while you’re in bed with a boy and maybe you’re not the type of girl that is constantly on the prowl looking for the next random fuck, but when you meet someone that turns you on and he seems like he’s probably not the worst you do take him home and you do fuck. You tell yourself you are the type of girl that reads a book a week so you never leave home without a book in your bag and you always pull it out on the subway and whenever you’re waiting for someone and whenever you feel awkwardly alone and your bookshelves become full and there is that one day you spend nearly an entire week’s paycheck in one go at the bookstore and maybe you are not the kind of girl that feels she will not be able to exist in this world if she doesn’t devote a couple hours a day to reading, but you are the girl reading quite a lot and getting through about a book a week on the regular. You tell yourself you are the kind of girl that enjoys going to museums alone so you go with friends and brood over how much lovelier the paintings would be if you didn’t have to regard anyone else and you spend so much of your time in Europe wandering away from the people you’re with in epic museums and you start reserving favorite exhibits to days you have to yourself and after your first visit to the Neue Gallerie on the Upper East Side you are the girl that keeps it and its free first Fridays to yourself. You tell yourself you’re the kind of girl that publishes a memoir and maybe you never let anyone except the anonymous Internet and that one blatantly extraordinary professor read your self-involved writing, but you are the girl writing and sharing something like a memoir. You tell yourself that you are the kind of girl that does what she wants and in many ways, in the eyes of many people, you are, but that doesn’t mean you aren’t fully and somberly aware of the casualties along the way. You tell yourself Berlin is the city for you and it was. You tell yourself Egon Schiele is the painter for you and he is. You tell yourself New York is the city for you and for now it is. You tell yourself you never loved him and he agrees you didn’t. You tell yourself moving bodies are the only bodies for you and they are. You tell yourself no meat ever and your mother says well, yes that was the plan all along. You tell yourself happiness doesn’t appeal to you or at least the work of happiness does not and you are so often correct. I’m not saying that these things you tell yourself are arbitrary. Telling them surely came from some internal impulse and the telling was never fully understood until far after you were on your way so you really, AUTHENTICALLY are this person, but I’m also saying that all it takes is telling yourself so.

(re)charge

Sat, 13 Apr 2013 22:24:35 -0400

Everyone should take one Saturday night a month (or every other month if you are less of an introvert/only child than I) to stay in, eat boxed mac ‘n cheese (I suggest Annie’s Deluxe), read an entertaining novel (I suggest Dawn Powell) and drink glass upon glass of your favorite simple cocktail (I suggest Dark and Stormies) until you pass out into some of the best sleep you’ve ever had. Lactose! Rum! Words on a page!

"Maybe nobody’s crazy, maybe they’re just…startled, all those talkers-aloud, those women with tight..."

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 20:55:00 -0400

“Maybe nobody’s crazy, maybe they’re just…startled, all those talkers-aloud, those women with tight cigarette clouds above their heads, the ones who slap their hands flat on the table and shout to nobody in particular, “But Nixon was a crook!” Maybe it’s just a combination of feeling too much and too little at the same time. Maybe they’re hoping that someone, anyone will say, “Yes, he was. That bastard.””

- Erika Krouse

I have a lot of feelings and I’m only ok with about a quarter of them.

Thu, 11 Apr 2013 20:46:04 -0400

I have a lot of feelings and I’m only ok with about a quarter of them.

Is there any greater compliment than, “without missing a beat.” Aren’t we all just trying to catch...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:40:40 -0400

Is there any greater compliment than, “without missing a beat.” Aren’t we all just trying to catch all the beats?

She referred to it as her nauseous twenties, which was really the most hopeful she’d been in months;...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:39:29 -0400

She referred to it as her nauseous twenties, which was really the most hopeful she’d been in months; figuring the nausea would not extend into her thirties. “Is there anything that does not make you nauseous,” he asked. “Yes, of course,” she said, but then she couldn’t think of any examples.

I’ve taken to pretending that I do not live in a railroad style apartment and that it is not post...

Wed, 10 Apr 2013 00:27:08 -0400

I’ve taken to pretending that I do not live in a railroad style apartment and that it is not post FDR and that the carrying of candles from one room to another is necessary.

How can one be so exhausted? How can one be so exhausting?

Tue, 09 Apr 2013 21:33:24 -0400

How can one be so exhausted? How can one be so exhausting?