April 2012
15 posts
1 tag
(not)sane
Being very sad, hopelessly sad, when everything is going quite well, when life is giving you no reasons to be sad, is called depression. So you are deeply depressed. You keep living, but sometimes you consider no longer living, but you don’t tell anyone this because then they would be even less likely to leave you alone. You get medicated and things fall apart and you keep living. Nearly...
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“I’d tell you all you want and more, if the sounds I made could be what you...”
– David Foster Wallace
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What if crying didn’t mean that I was too young and un-deserving?
What if you hadn’t seen the tears streaming down my face?
What if I didn’t attempt to justify my breakdown?
What if it was a sign of health and stability?
What if we didn’t have to talk about it?
What if, at the very least, it made you more intrigued to know me?
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I have good friends.
I most certainly have good, beautiful, great friends. The question is why I still end up drinking alone.
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Last words.
It was both a pick up line and a press release.
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On not having it together.
Adding to that tapestry of intriguing folklore. Things that will eventually be good brunch stories.
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Everything she wrote was a love letter. Everything she wrote stood in stark contrast to the three words she refused to say.
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Sir Friend
I passed her in the late afternoon. The sun was slowly moving from acceptable sunglass wearing to inappropriate wearing. I had taken an unusual path, avoiding the sidewalks and cross walks in preference of grass, mulch, and tree roots. I questioned whether it was her. I stared at her behind my sunglasses. I thought to give her more space, but dodging her seemed too provocative of her dislike of...
2 tags
“Healing is a small and ordinary and very burnt thing. And it’s one thing and one...”
– Cheryl Strayed
March 2012
11 posts
1 tag
“It’s like the opposite of love isn’t hate, it’s indifference....”
– Rachel Maddow
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Arrogantly insecure.
I’m back to riding trains for you. Waiting in late night establishments for you. Sitting on stoops for you.
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“I know we’re not saints or virgins or lunatics; we know all the lust and...”
– Dylan Thomas
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Appearances by you have replaced the stress dreams, equally vivid, but all the more distressing upon waking.
2 tags
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Pity party.
What is so offensive about being unhappy? When you live with unhappiness everyday, there is no sting to it. You know better than to look for a quick fix. You know better than to imagine that any singular person has the ability to whisk all your unhappiness away and yet my neutrality is continually met with the sour and selfish plea of others just wanting to see me smile. I am sick of smiling for...
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Here’s to something that sounds like Judy Garland
and tastes like straight whiskey
and looks like an Egon Schiele
and smells like cigarette smoke
and feels like taut skin.
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“Don’t bend; don’t water it down; don’t try to make it logical; don’t edit your...”
– Franz Kafka
1 tag
Fuck.
Live for you. There is no one else worth living for. Disappoint as many people as possible as long as you can keep living with who you are. Do everything for this person you’re being. She is in fact the only one that matters. Her survival is your only goal in life.
Addendum: mental health must be having enough energy to fight for more than just your own life.
1 tag
I know a feeling is different and real and worth feeling when I can find the pit of my stomach. When the pit of my stomach becomes an exact place and shape and is vibrating. When it seems that the pit of my stomach will force its way out of my body if I don’t listen to this feeling.
