June 2011
18 posts
1 tag
Lights Out
I’ve been having trouble falling asleep. I feel so alone every time I try. Not because I’m used to falling asleep next to someone. Not because I’m missing a certain body. Those are things I never got used to enough to miss, but I am missing the idea of a body. The idea of a person I can call out to in the middle of the night should things go awry. The example of a person who...
2 tags
“The only way you can write the truth is to assume that what you set down will...”
– Margaret Atwood
1 tag
Geographically speaking, I spend most of my time on the upper west corner and lower east corner of this island. That is what is required of me. Sometimes, I walk through the middle and sometimes that’s enough in New York (or anywhere); to wander and see, but I have become quite bad at being aimless. I don’t know what to do with myself when I get off work at six in the east village and have an...
2 tags
“We know we should know better by now, but we don’t.”
– Rachel Monroe
1 tag
All that matters.
I will choose tears and deep breaths and moments of nothingness over that which is easier.
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“Touch comes before sight, before speech. It is the first language and the last,...”
– Margaret Atwood
1 tag
I couldn’t stop thinking about you today. Not really you; it was all the things I would say to you. I couldn’t stop thinking about how much I wanted to talk to you. I don’t understand how you still hold this place, how sometimes you’re the only one that will do. I do not love you. I, unfortunately, don’t think I ever did. I wasn’t ready. I am bad, bad, bad at keeping in contact with you and I am...
2 tags
“At the bar we talked about the term “only.” He only hangs out with me because he...”
– Stephen Elliot (via cityography)
1 tag
Things that don't make sense, but feel true.
I would be enjoying myself more if you were here.
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“She read books as one would breathe air, to fill up and live. She read books as...”
– Annie Dillard (via bookoasis)
1 tag
Hotter than a match head.
I’m drinking approximately a gallon of water a day and I don’t know if that is natural or normal or any other reassuring words, but I’m peeing a lot and I’m sweating a lot and it seems that something should replace that loss of bodily fluids. I get out of the shower and never become fully dry because the clean, NYC, soap-rinsing-off water transforms into my own sweat as it...
1 tag
Passivity
I throw up my hands before anything has been unloaded on to them.
1 tag
“‘The secret is not to dream,’ she whispered. ‘The secret is to...”
– Terry Pratchett
2 tags
“I know that the “57” in Heinz 57 refers to the number
of pickles that the...”
– Cristin O’Keefe Aptowicz
1 tag
Ego
I feel as though I need a partner, someone to bounce my every whim off of and have them some how reaffirm my presence here, but what I really need is to bolster myself up. Myself; my own best advocate. I need the rational voice slumping around inside of me to get the last word. I need to be supportive enough of myself so that even occupying this chair in this coffee shop is a grand testament to my...
