March 2010
13 posts
1 tag
seemings
All ecstasy is delivered in a painful fashion. It is often an odd pain. One that I remember later as pleasure. It is awful, piercing discomfort in the moment, while all subsequent thoughts of it are pure bliss.
Something like the antithesis of love.
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“Pain hurts, just as greed intoxicates and lust burns.”
– Neil Gaiman
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flaws
I’m building this 80 year-old man persona where I make comments about the things I never learned, drink straight whiskey, and smoke cigarettes out on the porch.
While this girl feels pretty concrete, she could be better. I can’t be set in my ways at 20. Obviously not. Dear girl, you’re funny. You’re getting caught up in your delusions again. I know he said,...
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“What is the secret of suddenly beginning to write, finding a voice? Try whiskey....”
– Susan Sontag
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“The more so, I say, because truly to embody bodily warmth, some small part of...”
– Herman Melville
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Everything is covered in blood. Does this happen to other people? Other women? Do all their things get covered in blood? I never learned how to track and prevent this from happening. I tried to become really good at getting out stains and I am good, when I’m not lazy and lying in a pool of blood.
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“He consoled himself with the fact that, in the real world, when he looked...”
– Colum McCann
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“Drinking’s funny. When I look back on it, all of our important decisions...”
– Raymond Carver
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A sensibility for phallic delicate things.
Girls blowing up balloon animals on stage will be taken as such.
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Behind door number one we have an utterly defeated, lesser version of self. I don’t know who is supposed to say they’re sorry, but I think someone should. In this weak state, I could scream and cry, but public defeat is not allowed here and apathy is encouraged. The phrase was, “Nothing phases you, does it?” The reply was, “No, not really,” and a week later,...
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My morning routine
interrupted by slouching against the wall,
taking one more deep breath,
a shake of the head.
They said I just looked tired.
